I know that I didn’t see a lot of Oscar contenders this year, I focused more on my personal tastes after being tricked into seeing Black Swan (Natalie “I’m Sorry” Portman, I blame you), but I don’t know half of these “Stars.”

Who is Viola Davis1 and Rooney Mara2? Why is Brad Pitt dressed up like Henry Spencer? Who is George Clooney supposed to be? Why does Gary Olman look like Walter Keonig? Why is the guy from OSS 117 shadowboxing?

And for the love of fuck, stop trying to make us believe Kirsten Dunst is pretty…

Touch of Evil

1.) I have since found the answer to this question: Viola Davis was in The Help, which was a movie based on a book written to make Rich White Southern women feel better about Jim Crow Laws.
2.) Rooney Mara is going to be in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, as well as: The Social Netwrok, A Nightmare on Elm Street (the remake) and Youth in Revolt. Guess which of those I’ve seen?
All images in this post: Credit: Alex Prager for The New York Times
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